Friday 14 August 2015

It's Hard to be Creative When Your Heart Hurts

I consider myself a pretty creative person. I write a lot, though little of it ends up going anywhere. I have a craft room filled with stamps, ink pads, pretty paper, stickers, quilting rulers, batik fabrics...I've been known to lose entire days in its depths. I like to learn new things on the Mac - everything from PSE to productivity apps to tips and tricks of the operating system. I read a lot, both in paper and electronic form.

It's been different since the baby died. I've been different.

I find it hard to concentrate. Even talking to my husband, I struggle at times to find words I'd normally have on the tip of my tongue. I read things...over and over and over again, because the words don't sink in. I have periodic bursts (usually at 2am) where the poetry pours out of me but composing a basic email is beyond me. I look at the stamps and paper and have no idea what to do with them. Colours don't make sense the way they used to. I art journal in PSE but cannot choose paint for the house.

Nothing connects the way it used to - not my fingers to the physical act of making something, not my brain to the act of designing something. As it turns out, it's hard to be creative when your heart is aching.

Tonight I tried to force the issue. I pulled out the Cricut and a few stamps to make a birthday card for a friend. It didn't feel natural and it doesn't look right to me, but I forced myself to complete it. Maybe it helped; I don't know.


No comments:

Post a Comment